3(+2) KEY things you should know before getting married to him or her

Hey been awhile, hope everyone is doing great!  Actually, this was supposed to be a Facebook post but I just decided to just copy and paste it here since it's been awhile here.
So, I got off the phone with my dad, we talked about marriage&guys lol. How it got to that topic, amarom!(I don't know) This topic is always with my mom but for some reason, my sweet dad wanted to know who and who I'm talking to(he'll wait well oh, me I'm not saying anything, That' how you'll tell them and tomorrow when you don't do something right, they'll use it against you..AFRICAN PARENTS lol)

Summary of everything, when looking for the one to settle down with, these 3 things are the fundamental principles. I may update this post later if necessary, just to give a detailed summary of the listed 3 below

1) Spiritual Background

2) Family Background

3) Educational Background

....then you can consider any other thing. For me, let me add my own 2

4) Monetary background(this is very important too cos LOVE won't be there for that long if everyday is aki hausa(tiger nuts) and palm kernels that you eat. Again learn to differentiate SUCCESS, not all successes are GOOD SUCCESS)

5) TLC, Honesty, Wisdom-Intelligent, Neatness(Heaven knows I have breathing problems when it comes to odoriferous *oozings* from humans or unkempt environments)

I just thought I should share

See you soon(I hope, lol)

When is the RIGHT TIME for a man to visit his gf's family

Someone wrote me and told me that she's been dating this particular guy for more than 4years and he doesn't even know where she stays, she told me that he's never been to her place and anytime she brought it up,  he's always procrastinating. She further went on to tell me that her family knows him cos she's told them everything about him, they're just waiting for him to show up lol. She  also said she's told the guy that her family members are just waiting to see this guy that she's been talking about...(lol, I feel like this may be the actual reason why he's yet to go visit her family, maybe he just doesn't want to man up and do the right thing yet). After she told me all these, I'm like, "gurrrrrrl, what in the world are you still doing with this guy? Isn't it obvious that he clearly doesn't want to settle down soon or with you. I just don't get how y'all been dating for that long with the intention of settling down and he's yet to meet your family" I further went on to tell her that she better not put all her hopes in this guy...there's no time to be casting all your eggs in one basket. A guy would just pin you down in the  name of marriage and still won't do the needful...and this is one of the main reasons why we have increasing numbers of young baby-mothers neglected by their supposed to be husbands.

So, when do you think is the right time for a guy to visit the girl's family? Coming from an African background, I think this is really a big deal. Why do I say so? This is cos in the westernized countries, it's normal for two people dating to meet each others families, they don't see it as a big deal but this is so different in Africa, Nigeria for example... when the guy decides to visit the girl's family or to take the girl to his family home to see his people, it's actually another way of letting the girl's family know that he's interested in spending the rest of his life with her (or letting his family know that he's seen the right woman for him in case of the guy taking the girl to his family) hence, it's a huge step.

However, when do we think it's the right time? To me, there's no right time, after all people get married in less than 5months after meeting each other and are still 'living happily ever after'...lol.  I  however do think that if you as a girl has dated a guy for up-to 1yr, then your guy should want to meet your family except you don't want him to(maybe cos you think it's a little too fast or you just don't have the intentions of settling down with him/you dont think it's going to work out or you feel he's got a lot of issues he needs to work on or maybe you think he may not be accepted by your parents just yet...otherwise, I don't see any other reasons)

Hold up!! Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to say that any guy you're dating who finally ends up meeting your family(parents in particular) would eventually be your husband. NO!! All I'm saying is that a guy who's responsible and with true intentions should at least make an effort to get to know your family especially after y'all have been together for at least 1yr. He should at least ask you when you would want  him to see your parents...you know, make efforts! Let it be that you being the girl is the reason he's yet to meet your family cos of the above reasons mentioned previously. I can't imagine dating someone for more than 4yrs and he hasn't met anyone in my family...it just seems so abnormal to me.  I remember when I was younger and all these guys who wouldn't stop pestering me, I always chased them away by telling them to come and meet my parents or my pastor lmao. I would even tell them how glad my dad is to meet them(this was because  they always came talking about marriage with *the thought* that every girl wanted to marry or would take them serious since they mentioned marriage). Guess what, they would get scared and gradually withdraw(why?? because their intentions weren't pure and don't want to get hooked, they obviously just wanted something else)...I was about 15/16yrs at that time and these guys would think I'm just any other naive 16yr old girl but this trick usually worked lol.

Conclusion;

• I would like to end this by letting you beautiful ladies out there, know that a guy getting to meet your family(parents in particular) is not a 100% guarantee that he's serious with you. He may even be meeting 3 other girls' parents as well. I think they've come to realize that most girls would take them more serious and put their lives on hold if they've finally met their parents(never knew guys could be so smart lol). I mean, come to think of it, most guys have this mentality. This is why you have to involve God into your relationship. Pray, ask God for wisdom and spirit of discernment. You just can't be 100% sure of the right one on your own, but when you make God your master planner...guuurrrllll....he'll grant you your desires and give you the best. 
• This goes both ways though but in this topic...I'm more concerned with the guys...

Hope you enjoyed your scroll through this post...until next time, see you soon!

MARITAL RAPE; is it possible for a spouse to be raped while married?

Hello everyone...yes, it's me. I've been gone for a few weeks, okay I lied..a few months...emmmh, maybe a little bit over a year now. Yes over a year now😟.....what happened? I had to pause blogging cos I just couldn't keep up with school workload 😥 but thank God I'm on break now....let me hear you say YAAAAASSS!!!( lol, don't tell me you actually *yas'd)

So, what will we be talking about today..marital-spousal rape..this particular topic seems weird to me cos I'm not married and I know *most people would be like..."what does she know"...and I'll reply *most people saying, "a whole lot!"....lol, just kidding(no, I'm serious!). I didn't come up with this topic though, I asked people on my Facebook page to tell me a topic they would want me to blog about and this happened to be one of the topics..shout-out to Agbo Richard for coming up with this topic

What is RAPE? 

According to Wikipedia, "Rape is a type of sexual assault usually involving sexual intercourse or other forms of sexual penetration carried out against a person without that person's consent. The act may be carried out by physical force, coercion, abuse of authority, or against a person who is incapable of giving valid consent, such as one who is unconscious, incapacitated, has an intellectual disability or is below the legal age of consent"

There are over 10 types of rape which includes date rape, child rape, gang rape, spousal/marital rape, to name a few. Today we're interested in Marital-spousal rape....emmh marital rape? Is that even possible? We will see...

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT MARITAL RAPE?

I will be using marital and spousal rape interchangeably, they both mean same thing.

Is it possible that you can be raped by your spouse while married? Weird yeah? I know...thought the same and I actually had a live video chat(on my instagram page) where I asked people if they think something like this exist and it seemed a bit surprising the responses I got(I screenshot some interesting ones, I uploaded a few). I also got to find out that most guys were opposing the notion as regards *marital rape...in contrast to the girls.  It seems it's mainly the women that have a better understanding when it comes to such sensitive topics or, maybe it's just cos they experience this the most...not surprising though.
Below are some of the screenshots...

What is MARITAL-SPOUSAL RAPE?

According to Wikipedia, "Marital rape (or spousal rape) is the act of sexual intercourse with one's spouse without the consent of the other spouse. It is a form of domestic violence and sexual abuse. Although it was once widely unrecognized by law and society as wrong or as a crime, it is now recognized as rape by many societies around the world..."
Below, some of my followers answered,

He further went on to state why most abused individuals may find it difficult to speak out

I know rape is not one sided but in this case, marital rape is mainly experienced by women but not exclusively. Coming from African background, most guys I asked a few questions concerning this topic seemed to believe it's impossible for a hubby to rape wifey since he already paid *bride-price(money or any other thing such as properties etc paid by groom and his family to the woman's family that he's about to be married to or may even have married her before payment...the former is more common)...they seem to have the mentality that since you already paid for her to be your wife then whatever you do to her isn't wrong especially when it comes to s*x...after all she's your wife!  Too bad, I know.

Could this be real, do people actually do this, what may be the reason behind marital rape?

To me...I didn't need to bring in bible or read about this to know that something like marital rape exist...nothing surprises me these days. I also didn't need Wiki to let me know it's a form of sexual/domestic abuse. I don't even know why a man would deem it fit to do that to his wife after hitting and verbally abusing her...according to my own personal research(lol...emmh, * research sounds deep though but this seems to be the most suitable word for me to use in this context), back to what I was saying, my findings show that most marital rape occurs after or during domestic abuse.

Well, this is just my own opinion, most people don't believe that marital rape exist and most women are too timid to even speak out(I would be too if I were married, I mean..how do I come to tell people I get beat up by my hubby, someone that is actually meant to protect me from harm..now to cap it up, to tell them I also get raped by him...damn!!! My parents would or may think I'm crazy. I do think my friends would reason with me cos they're sensible enough lol...but what about others? what about the church people/the 'holier than thous'/relatives?) I also think most women don't voice out what they go through(or had been through) cos they will be made jest of...with this modern computer age, the abused will so be roasted on all social media apps. She would wish she never said a word...and THIS is why most women die in silence.
 I guess the rising mortality due to domestic violence is starting to have a huge  impact all around the world. I'm happy most women are coming out now, I'm also grateful for the various organizations that have been set up to make the lives of the affected women better and give them a platform&voice to reach out to other timid/naive ones out there.

But what is the reason behind this? 

We've heard so many excuses from rapists saying they were tempted because of the appearance of the abused or that they happened to be at the wrong place or that the devil decided to use them on that fateful day or that whatever the flimsy excuses may be. But what excuse has a husband for raping the wife? Isn't coitus supposed to be part of marriage? Yes, but we ain't talking about a consensual act. Like I stated above, this disgusting act usually occurs before, during or after a domestic violence. I don't know what may be the reason behind it, I've no idea what may be in the man's mind. 

Well before I end this wonderful piece, I would also want to plead with men&women to please desist from hitting their partners, if you both can't talk it out then  go your separate ways...domestic violence is NEVER the answer and it instills fear in the abused...In my honest opinion, I don't think your partner is meant to be scared/afraid of you in a relationship...this doesn't equal RESPECT if that's what you culprits think.
   Finally, do you still think that marital rape is NOT real? Oh well, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink...that you believe it or not still won't change it from being the truth or that it exist.

Thanks for reading...

BEST 4 REASONS YOU SHOULDN'T GIVE UP!!!

Hey readers!!! How are you? For real, how are you doing? I really do hope everyone is doing well.
So, today...I would be sharing with us the *important reasons why we shouldn't quit(y'all know that it's not all reasons or reasoning are *important, yeah?...lol) I'm not hear to ask you not to give up on you or work or spouse or family or whatever you feel is worth giving up on...I'm only here to give and help you understand reasons why you shouldn't quit or give-up!!! 
I know sometimes, it feels like nothing is working, it just feels like we've tried so many options and nothing just seems to work!
 I was inspired to write about this topic, because I can duhhh!(what were you thinking....lol)...Back to being serious, I was actually inspired to write this because I've been in situations where I had no other choice than to quit or give up.....emmmh, lie, I had a choice! I just did the easier thing.....I QUITTED!  So, I actually started thinking to myself, "I'm not the only one going through this and that there are many people who have gone through something similar or/and worse and they didn't  give up" Yes, don't think for a second that you're the only one going through a particular situation.
    I mean. there are a few BILLIONS of humans in this planet, you won't be the first nor last, and you have to have this at the back of your mind, okay?...lol, it's not that  serious, Oby...calm down.
I'm not innocent, have given up  on a few things in my life and I had to start all over again just after I found out it wasn't the best option...I would like us to take a few secs to ask ourselves, What could have been the reasons you ended up quitting?. I always come up with excuses why I end up quitting on something. Probably you're just like me with my flimsy excuses below.
Most times, I give up or quit on something because of either one or more of the  following:

• It's always the easiest way out. Most times, I don't need to explain to anyone. So cool, so easy.
• ....cos it seemed so difficult to achieve....I'm lazy sometimes.
• ....at one point or another, I quitted cos I didn't get any encouragement I may or may not have needed
• ....cos a couple of people tried and failed. 

 

 So now that I'm done with giving flimsy excuses/reasons why I may have quitted or given up(I would be using these two words interchangeably, okay?), may we proceed to reasons I think we shouldn't give up on something important, could be our dreams/ambitions.

Top 4 REASONS Why You Shouldn't QUIT/GIVE-UP  

1. YOU!!!!   Who would benefit at the end of the day?- You. Who would be happy at the end?- You. You should be your own motivation, you should always strive to be better than you of yesterday, that's my motto! Don't be relaxed, nothing good comes easy dear! Hard-work pays! You can't expect an obese person to tone down without motivation, hard-work, discipline and positivity. Have you watched the sprinters in a race? You think it's easy running a few kilometers and not wanting to stop at some point to take water or relax the muscles? This life is like a marathon, you either win or lose. What are you afraid of? Losing?? You think you will be the first to lose? You think the top people in the society have never lost?  Dear, to be successful, you have to stumble over some huddles..these huddles are failures. Don't give up because a few have failed or cos you failed, no one wants to hear you rant on how you would have made it had it been for a setback. Make your setback a setback for sucess....(you feel me?....lol) This brings me to the next point....   

    

2. THOSE that BELIEVE IN YOU!!! You've seen the runners/sprinters/footballers when they're running/playing....you've also seen the spectators on the other side, watching and cheering whoever they want to win. These spectators, better put this way, Supporters, they're obviously not there for decoration. They're there to encourage these athletes to keep going and not to give up halfway. This relates to us in reality, there are people who believe in us and look up to us. Our loved ones who believe in us should inspire us not to quit. Our foes also believe in us to fail, they also should inspire us....this brings me to my next point... 

   

    

3. THOSE that WANT to see YOU FAIL/QUIT!!! You really need to prove them right? Those who have never believed in you, they are the main spectators in your life. They don't wish you well, some are enemies pretending to be friends. You sure do NEED to prove this enemies of progress WRONG...don't give them the satisfaction they want. Don't QUIT!

4. GOD is no QUITTER!!! As children of God, as a Christian...you should know that your GOD ain't no QUITTER. He didn't quit on David nor Sampson nor Joseph. Need I remind you that God didn't quit on Saul(later changed to Paul)...he was quite terrible, a lost cause. Remember Mary Magdalene(the ex-prostitute)-Jesus didn't give up on her even when every other person did? Did you also remember the Shunammite woman(didn't give up on her dead son and God) Lazarus, remember him?(he was dead for awhile, buried, Jesus didn't give up on him) If you're a bit familiar with the bible, you'll find out that most people God  used were failures of different aspects in life. David(the murderer and adulterer), Paul(Murderer), Moses(Stammerer, inarticulate and complex),  Esther(the orphan..basically a nobody). Jesus himself didn't QUIT on himself folks!!! Don't give up on God...He's not even ready to give up on you, not now...not tomorrow!!!  What's your excuse on giving up on a friend? 

   

    

   You should learn (how) to be your biggest cheerleader, the moment you start yearning for people to validate you...that's the moment you stop being YOU! (Yours truly, Oby Como)

    pictures from google...

    That's the end...thanks for reading...See you soon!

My Even Skin Tone Journey

Hey! like what you see?...Okay, keep scrolling

Hello lovelies... I trust that all is well with y'all, thank God.  So today, I'll be blogging about my even skin tone process and progress. I am doing this because I always get compliments from my friends and others about my skin tone and I get asked a lot what I use.

Remember the essential oils for  the skin that I blogged about sometime last year? lol, don't worry, just click on this link if you can't remember.  So these oils are very very important for the journey we're about to embark on...lol, it's not that serious. My skin is still not perfect, it's not even near perfect but then, it's not what it used to be. It's better,finer and sharper. See for yourself lol...

So as I was saying, those oils are very important...here's a list of the things you need to have:

1. Patience
2. Patience lol... don't rush it please. Just take it easy.
3. The essential oils I told y'all about. try at least to have the lemon or citrus oil, argan oil, tea-tree oil, lavender oil and the least grapefruit oil. To know more about these oils and their importance, just click on this link. I don't want this post to be lengthy.  I also added Shea butter to the list, I meant it and use the oil.
4. Nice moisturizing cream  or any cream of your choice, could be toning as well. Before I starting mixing my own cream, I was using Neutrogena oil free moisturizer for my face but all that changed when I discovered my natural oils and their wonderful benefits. Plus, I don't have to spend money on facial cream. 
5. Facial Mask...this is very important for me. I use the Neutrogena 2in1 facial mask. This mask works like magic for me mehn....I thought I could live without this mask cos I left my products for my younger sister, Ela(I didn't like the nonsense puberty pimples on her face). When I got back to school, I was using just the facial wash, my gawd, my face was a mess then I had to go to the shop to buy it but I couldn't find the particular one I needed. I just got the scrub thinking  since it's Neutrogena, they're all the same. Mehn, this just didn't work for me. Maybe it works for others but this was a nightmare, I was having breakouts whenever I was stressed. It just didn't work for me...there was no change.  I just had to go to Tesco which is quite far from where I stayed and I got my darling visibly clear Neutrogena 2in1 facial mask. I could swear the breakouts left in less than 48hrs. If I have a break-out and I use this mask, the breakouts go within the next 24-48 hours. I'm not even joking, this mask is life. This wonderful mask can also serve as a facial wash. Scroll down and read my beauty tips
6. Facial cleanser...I use Neutrogena Facial cleanser but it's actually called cleansing lotion. I was using one which seemed a bit harsh but works quickly. Like I said earlier, I left all my beauty products including empty makeup for my younger sister so I had to start all over again.  When it got finished, I had to use the other type and this particular one is quite mild and works even better(I couldn't find the one I was familiar with even in Tesco). I'm not sure if I'll go back to the other one when this finishes but like the saying goes...'never say never'. (I tried looking for the old bottle but couldn't find it, would have loved to take a pic of it for y'all)  
7. Facial Wash...I use Neutrogena(pink grapefruit) Facial wash as well. This facial wash would act as your soap. So basically, you don't need your body soap on your face, this is the soap you need. 
8. Moisturizibg Body Soap or Gel....lol, for my body soap, I use palm olive products but in gel form. 
9. a lot of water.....even better when mixed with fresh lemon juice. Please take a lot of water 
10. Eat Healthy.... Leave carbonated drinks alone, forget junks. Eat the natural food and fruits. Cook good home made food and always try to eat more vegetables. Try not to skip meals but eat if necessary at least 4times a day in not so big quantities. Take a lot of fruits, it could be juiced or turned into a shake. Make lemon one of your favorite good and try to squeeze in some  in your drinks or food. If you must take junk, make out a day out of the seven days in a week that you should take it. 
11. Exercise... Walking is enough exercise so walk, run, squat. 
12. PATIENCE... For the 100th time? Yeah, I know. You may think it's not working but it does. I thought I was wasting my time till my friends saw me after two weeks and they screamed. Literally...they're so dramatic esp the one called Jossy lol(pls don't kill me, I just want my readers to know that this is real and I'm not trying to sell any products) 

When you go through the pictures, you'll see what each product does, you can always save these pictures if you would want to use them or purchase them.  

The three starting from the right handside are the products I'm consistent with

.

the one on the right is what I use....the one on the left didn't work for me

A must have...check the name and buy exactly these two/

the moisturizer I USED on my face

This is the best, I can't travel or go anywhere far from home without this cos I can use it as a facial wash or mask

The palmolive soap I use and the facial wipes for makeup removal I use, baby wipes are the best.

 

Can you see the oils?

These oils are the main key, try and get them. My elder sister wanted to look good for her child dedication and I bought and sent her those oils, I actually was amazed cos I didn't get the kind of results she got. Honestly, I thought she bleached. My friends have also confirmed that these work, one of them said she didn't find all the oils so she got only argan oil and her black spots and elbow are beginning to clear. I didn't even know that argan had that effect. Though she was using just the oil on her skin, please, mix yours just like I taught you. 

  

So my daily routine:

For My Face

First, if I have to apply makeup doing the day or night, I have to apply my cream which is already mixed with the oils, click here to find out how to mix them. This acts as my base, then I use a mac primer if need be. Another thing we all should learn to do is never to go to sleep wearing makeup. I have face wipes but I still have to wash my face and neck with my facial wash and then clean my face and neck with the facial cleanser and a cotton wool. When I'm  so tired, I just clean my face with my facial cleanser. Most times, it seems as if the face is too dry, so I apply my cream with the essential oils in it.  

Secondly, doing the day, I hardly apply cream to my face except when it's winter or when it's not sunny. WHY? This is  because my cream contains lemon oil which is one of the essential oils  I mentioned and it could burn your body(remember, lemon oil is a natural bleaching agent and it also exfoliates the skin) when the sun is too much. If you're in countries where it's always sunny...you can prevent this by using an SPF>15 or minimize the lemon oil drops when mixing your cream. But using an SPF >15 when you're about to go out is better and wiser. 

My facial cleanser....about that, I always use this whenever I feel like my face is stressed or oily(I have an oily face). I love my Neutrogena 2in1 facial mask. I rub it all over my wet face and neck every morning and leave it for 5-10mins while I brush my teeth or bring out clothes to wear for that day or even while I take a shit....emmmh, that's nasty lol. I wash it like that and after my face is clean, I may decide to use my facial wash to wash some parts I feel it's still sticky(signifies dirt, I know my face is clean and ready to go when all parts become slippery) lool...I'm so vain!

For My Body 

I use my cream which is already mixed with oils after I'm done taking a bathe....obviously. During summer, I only use this at night and in the morning if I'm not going out. But if I'm going out on a sunny day, I just use the normal cream which isn't mixed with lemon. It's even better if your cream has SPF but my cream doesn't and I'm not ready to buy lol. Please,, don't be like me.

I just use normal body soap, palm olive. The particular bathing gel I go for has to have a mixture of 2 of the following, either Shea butter/honey/almond/Argan oil. These are the contents I go for.

A few of  my boring beauty tips....lol

Just so you know, I don't wash my face and body same time. I wash my face&neck and after I'm done, I go into the shower and wash my body. It seems like it's a lot of work but trust me on this, you will get used to this. My face also has its own towel as well but then I end up not cleaning my face cos by the time I'm done with the shower, my face is already dry. Very important! After I'm done washing my face with warm water, I turn the tap to cold, then I use this cold water on my face. This helps to open the pores. If you don't wash your face with hot/warm water, even better for you, you don't have to do this.

Another thing I would like to emphasize on, I necessarily don't wait to wash my face whenever I'm about to take my bathe, I could always do this first thing when I wake up(sometimes, even before I pray) or anytime I feel like I stayed so long in the kitchen cooking, or whenever I'm stressed. In this case, I use just my facial wash. I always try not to use my facial mask as a mask(it can also be used it place of facial wash but you don't have to make it sit on your face for some minutes) more than 2x in a day. Don't also forget to rub your cream already mixed with these oils each time you ash your face. Try to avoid wearing makeup every second...I probably makeup if it's necessary. Let your face breathe.

Want to see my boring selfies with and without makeup?? Keep scrolling...

with the scarf=yes makeup lol

......and that's the end.  Any questions? Feel free to ask. 

Hope you enjoyed your scroll through my post....hope to see you soon.

Let me know on a topic you would want me to blog about...you can leave a comment or message me directly.

click here to EARN from HOME

 

Love/Sex/Relationship

Good afternoon oby ,
 I sent you a Dm 8weeks ago, that I will send you my story when I connected to one of your write ups, that helped me a lot that day, I mean it was a great motivation to even step out of bed, I waited to get really broken, so I can connect and relate well to the way I feel, or what I have been going to through, I don't know how to start, but I will start anyways, and would try not to make it very long , but basically my point is that AM TIRED OF TRYING...

    **I had my first boyfriend when I was 17, don't know if I was too young, or if I started too early, that's why I see all the hard lucks I see, He was like 6 years older than I was, I was happy in my own way even when I knew he used to see and have other girls, and It never bothered me, untill the day he told me what has stood to be a reoccurring Trend in my life and relationships with men, he clearly told me that  HE LIKES TALL,FAIR,SLIM AND CURVY GIRLS, THAT HE PREFERRED TO DATE MODELS, and all I did to was put my self together walk back into the house after he left, and asked myself what I was still doubt there, I felt really bad, lost my self confidence for a while and put my self back together, pulled away from him, he kept coming but he didn't know he lost me, and why, because when he said those things, he felt I would be too naive to understand him clearly, or that I would wrap my self around the first love syndrome, but as God would have it, I finally had admissions into school, went to a new environment and I was fine when I was able to regain a little self esteem...came back many years after, and says things like* let's start all over, until he graduates to asking me to marry him, that I am the only girl he can't disconnect with bla bla bla even untill last year, this same dark, average, chubby girl.

**2007  I started another relationship with a guy that rapes and beats me, almost every week or at most 2weeks intervals, and I was finally able to leave after HE BEATS ME AND STRIPS ME NAKED, HOW GOD CREATED ME in **a face me I face you compound**I was living at that time, and after that day I never saw him again till date, apart from an apology Facebook inbox message which I never replied in 2013..

***I felt I gave myself enough time,stayed till the August 2008 got into another relationship, I felt I worked on my self enough, and I enjoyed it while I was being used( don't want to get the whole details) but my boyfriend started seeing another girl and kept saying they are just friends, and they just talk, and I asked what's the intresting conversation that cannot go on with us or with me your girlfriend? For the first and last time he slapped me, and then I just had a conviction in my spirit that something was not right , and when it finally bursted, All HE SAID TO ME IS THAT SHE WAS A VIRGIN, AND I WAS NOT😀 I was the one that was good for moral,financial, and all the support he ever needed, I was the one that had to go through all the shits, and then the least things as to guide me through assignments, he couldn't do and wasn't there for me, the height of it was when he started telling people that my mum begged him to marry me, and i bought him a gold neck piece to tie him down😀 How would you explain that?

****2010 I had another one, I met him so broken emotionally, not relationship sense, but with the 
things that were going on with him, he was almost dropping out of school, because of the issues he had, I stayed with him, comforted him,encouraged him, he was always traveling from Akwa Ibom to  calabar to attend lectures, and I told him to stay with me🙈( maybe I was wrong ) and then he finally got back, was healed, and got better even financially, he used to buy me gifts and was such a good boyfriend, till the devil told him he was getting too comfortable with me and he was being such and good boy, he started flirting with this girl, and it grew to a semi relationship, his friend was the one that told me about it, I asked my boyfriend and he said it was never true, he started getting distracted from school again, and started getting broke again, one day he came back all messed up, and told me he got into a fight, only for me to know later on that the reason for that fight was this same girl, another time he comes back and tells me he has lost his phone, I gave him the Samsung Cuby he got for me when the going was good😀 and guess what he did? HE GAVE IT TO THE OTHER GIRL, IT GOT WORST WHEN HE SOLD MY NECK PIECE TO GET HER A BAG, and when I found out, I knew I just had to let it go, and thats when  I started feeling like I  have a bad omen😱 this girl in question turned a pain in my flesh, tells people am after her man, and even sends people to set me up to beat me even in another man's country even years after, the guy in question goes around to tell people that I stole his 250k, Can it get any better for me?
**** I crashed down, picked the pieces of my life together again, just around the time I was about to move to a new environment , in 2011 thought I should give it another try, this time to a guy that is not from my place( state of origin ) and in just a short period of time, I was exposed threats from another girl he was seeing but an older girl, and was instigated by a bestie I felt I had at had at that time 😀, and the guy was obviously not bothered about it, KEPT GOING BACK TO HIS OLDER GIRL, AND THE THREATS NEVER STOPED, So I decided to leave

**** But then I know someone would ask, why don't you just chill and forget about men?The point is, I always prayed to God since I was just 11years old to make me marry so early not because I had a reason then( because I was very young) but when I added a few more years I had a reason, so I can raise kids, I wanted to have so many kids bacause my mum never had a lot of us, I am the first , and then it took my mum 11good years to conceive and have  my kid sister😀 So I always gave my self a reason to try again👍


 **** Early, 2012 after the girl sent people to harass me, but they later turned my friends tho😀 I got, attracted to this guy in my class that was transferred from another school, I got attracted to him because he was intelligent and encouraged me about a particular course I was not doing well at all, along the line we became study partners, and grew into lovers, I became his kid sisters worst enemy, she just started hating me, and did everything within her power to either irritate me or to get the brother to leaves me, and it finally worked, because all of a sudden, HE STARTED BEING TRIBALISTIC, SAYING HE DOES NOT KNOW IF HIS MOTHER WILL BE COMFORTABLE WITH ME BACAUSE AM NOT A YORUBA GIRL😀 / HIS THE ONLY SON😀*** I kept believing that saying* it can only get better**

**** I was down again as usual, and confided in the 2 friends that seemed close to me at that time, and then one of them was fund of putting up my pictures on her DP, and a family friend of hers kept asking to talk to me and be my friend, on my birthday 2013, we officially became friends when he got my pin and wished me happy birthday, we got taking and he wanted something serious😀( like they say) I decided to give it another try, by MAY we of that year we started a trail date, He showed me his best part till I went home on holidays by summer, and I was so excited, and just at the time I felt like I was happy, he stopped picking my calls like he used to, I knew something had changed, all of a sudden, a man that used to get excited talking to me all the time, went mute.. Even when I do the calling , he sluggishly picks up and tells me his busy and will call back later,and He never does, and went worst and NEVER PICKED UP MY CALLS AGAIN. I ran to my friend, she called him, her elder sister called him but he never gave any of them any proper response, and then after 3weeks, he sends me a long message and tells me I have *pride,ego,I don't have patience, am not his kind of girl, am rushing him, AND HE ENDS IT WITH HE WASNT READY FOR A RELATIONSHIP😀 But at that point I asked my self if I asked him out? Or I thought of the things I did that were out of the regular or ordinary, I also thought If I had asked him to marry me without my knowledge😀😀, at this point I decided that I will just sign out of the whole boyfriend, relationship thoughts, before the end of the year,he came around again, apologized and swore he didn't know what came over him, and for the first time in my entire life, I mean in all the relationships I ever had went  back to him, he promised me heaven and earth, promised to make up for all that went wrong,but did the WORST, after he lost his job, while waiting for a resumption date of the next job, he asked me to borrow him some money to travel to Abuja to hustle, I did, and even told him I got it from someone to give to him, to be on the safe side, but guess what he went to see a girl, unfortunately for me, he told the girl that his Xgf has been begging him and throwing her self back at him, and then the whole time, he steals time to talk to me, and then there is this time I called and then the girl picked up, speaking to me like she knows me** AND SHE SAYS, WHY ARE TOU THROWING YOURSELF AT A MAN THAT DOESNT WANT YOU, I HAVE SEEN YOUR PICTURES, YOUR A BEAUTIFUL GIRL, MOVE ON AND GET ANOTHER MAN, AND STOP HARASSING US, AND THE NEXT THING I HEAR AT THE BACKGROUND IS BEBE NO TALK AGAIN😀 I felt like running mad, I was in another man's country, I could not find my self in Abuja, even if I was in Nigeria, or even in Abuja, how would I get to where they were, I called him over 100times but he never responded, I was able to get calm sleep off and after 4 days HE CALLS ME AND SAYS, that was just a little misunderstanding👍 We can work it through😀

   ****2014 feb I met a well grown man, and we were just friends that used to talk about every thing,never thought of anything sexual or intimate with him, and on the 1st of March he proposed to me,(funny I know) and on phone, I met him when he was about to leave for another country, I was comfortable with talking to him about anything maybe because I felt he was so matured, and then when he proposed to me I laughed it through, on my birthday he made another one and even told my friends that knew about him, on a video call, they started making plans of engagement party I didn't know about, I only knew later because it was supposed to be a surprise, but then again, it went down the drain this time because my good friends around just felt like telling him how bad a girl I have been my entire life😀

  **** Nov 2014 I got connected back to an old friend, we got taking, we were far from each other, but the communication spirit was wonderful, I didn't like him that much at first, because he always talked about asking people about me, and no one seems to tell him anything bad, so my fear was, someday someone who just feels like saying some shit about me walks up to you and says things that itches your ear, then boom we go, I moved passed those thoughts,and got a little more flexible with him, and then the same girl he had a fling with some time ago, who knows me, according to him never said anything bad about me, all of a sudden says something bad then, and he starts acting based in that, that's misbehaving,( he gets to Nigeria and tells me I don't need to come and see him if I feel I should not have sex with him, he can't have a girlfriend he can't have sex with😀) and then the next time  *** HE SAYS HE DOES NOT KNOW THE ATTRACTION HE HAS WITH ME, HE STIRS AT ME AND NOTHING ATTRACTS HIM😀*** it can only get better.

***The whole time I have never discussed my previous relationship with a new boyfriend, I keep it and it sucks me deep, so I decided to air out this time to a random male friend, that we randomly chat, after he tried to make advances at me, and he goes all churchy, He goes like all the guys I ever had never had Christ In them, and then he preaches to me, gets really spiritual,and in my head am like, who ever will end up with this man is such a lucky girl, and then by April 2015, on a random day, he pops the please let's date shit, bla bla bla,  I tell him am not ready, and he keeps preaching to me how I should not let mp past define me, and then I give him a try,and I seriously don't know where to classify him right now. Few weeks back to Nigeria, He turns to what I can't explain really, a man that preaches sex before marriage, now wants sex, and he always wants it in his car, sometimes drives down infront of my fathers compound and tells me to have sex with him  just around ( me at 26, could this be adventure ) the first time he takes me to his house, he literally sneaks me into the house( a 33 year old man) which explains a lot, a man that swears his irritated with men that ask women for money, all of a sudden ask for money directly and indirectly, the one time I borrowed the least as 10k he bluntly refused to payback, and then when ever he is around me he switches his phone off, and carries just a small Nokia touch light phone and never picks his calls😀 am sure his showing me respect😀 And then I noticed  a similar behavior in a previous relationship, he never calls again, and then if I call him, He says I will call you back, am busy, and never calls back,  after a lot of complain or nagging as men would call it, he tries to sit up, by calling in the morning, for not more than 10seconds tho😀 and then in the night too, like am an office he signs in a time book when he resumes in he morning and signs out when his going home😀 it gets worst that am in the same town with him and I don't see him for over 2months, I call him when I got in to some trouble and wanted  someone to talk to and he was never available, and then I then I do my usual, I put my self together and move ahead😀😀  so I waste another 5 months on my life 🙌

**** Around the time I wanted someone to talk to, I started taking to another make friend I was always very skeptical about talking to him, even before I met this other guy, I tell him every thing going on with me, relationship wise and otherwise, everything that was happening to me at that time, I told him and he was a good friend who was so helpful, we started making video calls, before he goes to work, and soon as he returns, we start talking,about random things basically, our lives, his experiences, mine and the connection with this person was different from any other connection I have ever had, but then again, after a while just about the time he was about to return back home, our communication level drops** He Begins to bargain indirectly for his return and how I have to cope with him talking to a lot of people and all that, ** makes it sound like am some possessive, over inquisitive, or a bug, am far from that😀*** he gets back and then I give him some space cos I was not expecting much either, and he just kept coming and wouldn't let me be, the tempo Kees rising up and then finally  he gets back to his real self, starts getting more closer and I ask my self, was he not comfortable with every other person he was seeing or hanging out with?? We decided to give ourselves a shot, as soon as he goes back to work place, after the first week of the emotional hype, communication drops again, a little attitude here and there, all of a sudden the things we used to gist and laugh are no more, nothing really exciting again, the call level is almost becoming the sign in/sign out of office type, I can boldly say that the video call we both used to get excited about happened just once since Jan, when I ask for it, it seems like am asking for too much, he does not need to say it to me,but the act is all over him, he starts complaining of how am too suspicious, when ever something comes up am not comfortable with, and then the communication goes down and each day,  and on the 12/02/2016 we talk about it, ** HE SAYS : I AM CONSTRAINED BY THE INVISIBLE LINE OF RALATIONSHIP, AND NOT FRIENDSHIP, HE THINKS I SUSPECT THAT WHEN HE IS NOT TALKING TO ME, HE IS TALKKNG TO ANOTHER GIRL, and THE NEXT DAY HE GOES LIKE** HE HAS SPOKEN TO HIS PARENTS ABOUT OUR RELATIONSHIP, THAT HE HAS NOT HAD THIER SUPPORT YET, THATS WHY HE IS BEING CALM, you can imagine that, which simply means, I am at the mercy of the support of his parents😀  plus I get to wonder, if I had a man we talked about every thing and anything and then all of a sudden, he chooses what he says to you, or says nothing at all, apart from, how are you?how was your day? And it goes on like that in that manner, so do I have something wrong with me to think that he is obviously talking to someone,or enjoys conversations with another person( intimate or not, or what ever it is called)??
 So now I say to my self in the space of 10 years, I keep 10 relationships, and then they all go down, out of 10 of them it's just 2 of those guys that have not asked for my forgiveness and all of sorts, or tried to get back to me, or asked for another chance and all of that, is it that am POSSESSED? Or is it just BADLUCK? Or what exactly is it wrong with me?
Does it mean that I have a bad attitude they all come and see, and leave, but if so why do meat of them come back afterwards?

Is it that God in Heaven is not seeing all of these things happening to me?

I see men stand in for thier women when they are in trouble, but I have never just had that kind of luck 😀
So I have consoled my self with Fate that I AM THAT GIRL THAT SURVIVES EVERY ONE, BUT NO ONE SURVIVES ME..
 Please keep me Anonymous in what ever platform you decide to share this, but try and let me see people's comment and all, I can stand even the ones who would throw stones😀

I just want a little closure, that I have not had in all of these people I have met, with people's comment and banters I will have closure🙌


Sent from my iPhone/

Simplified meaning of TRUST

I'm here pretending to listen to what she's saying...rephrase, I was actually paying attention to all she was saying till she struck a nerve and here I'm, lost in my thoughts...
You know, most times we go through the ups&downs for some reasons I've come to realize. Going down the memory lane, when it's time for me to go to bed, most times I jump into the bed, some other times, I just slide onto the bed. Whichever way I chose, I still got on the bed and that's the whole point.

Okay, let's try something different, let's leave the comfort of our homes and everything in it. Let's say we went to our friends' place or a function, when we've reached the venue and exchanged pleasantries, we don't have to keep standing if there are chairs for people to sit down on...now, do we? But that's still not my point, when we get to the chairs we hope to sit on, knowing that they're all clean, don't we just majestically sit down?? So far, hope you've been honest with your answers. Yes, sitting down on some random chair is the point.

Let's try something even more different from the above. We all have phones, yes? If you don't, well, you have something you use in reading this post. What do we do with our phones? Emmmh, I know we all thought of calls and messages but that's not the point, calls&messages are so redundant so I'll try another. Let's say we all have this friend that always calls or text to tell us what's popping, and that day, s/he was like, "you need to go on facebook/instagram/twitter blablabla, A and B are in a relationship or A&B just got married or A&B got into a fight" and the list goes on....if A&B are people we know, won't we get our phones/devices and log on to any of the social app to see for ourselves??? Hope we're being honest and truthful about the answers.

Okay, a quick question, how many of us sleep hoping to not wake up? Oh yes, we all sleep hoping to wake up stronger and refreshed, yeah? What about when we drive on the road(or walk)....do we get scared that the road would become weak and open, then swallow us just like we see in movies and news when earthquakes happen?  Do we get scared that we may not make it to our destinations because our legs will get weary? Perhaps, we get scared that our cars are not fully fueled....now that's the point, 'not fully fueled'. But we're cool as long as we fueled our tanks to the brim, yeah?

Then I smiled....not knowing what she's been talking about, I told her..."babe you just inspired me" she was like, "What's wrong with this girl again!"  We were talking about how things were so difficult and how we are almost losing it cos things ain't just going the way we want it to. So many trials, failures, pains, hurt, resentments, blablabla. And suddenly, I went blank....

I was thinking to myself, if I can trust my legs to take me to wherever I wanted to go, and the roads built by men to be strong enough to carry me...lol, you have no idea how much I weigh. Anyways, if I could trust my mouth to make sounds or talk whenever I wanted to....why is it so difficult to trust God then???

Yeah, I can answer that now;

It's easier to trust God when all is going well than to trust Him when everything seems to be in shambles. It's easier being happy when we have everything we could ever wish for but get saddened when the situation changes just by 5%.

You see, if we can trust the roads we walk/drive on, the beds we lie on, the chairs we sit on even though they don't belong to us, our phones/devices to give us the latest gists in town, our washing machines to wash our clothes and not to spoil them, the blenders to blend whatever we want, the doctor to perform a successful surgery, the pastor to preach a nice sermon, the choiristers&instrumentalists to always deliver, the tap to allow water flow out of it, the mirror to  show us our perfect reflections, the exercises to help us keep fit or lose weight...why then is it so difficult to trust the maker of all those things, the giver of lives and talents, the creator that was never created,do we even know what that means?

If everything goes the way we all want it to go, then where's the glory in that? I mean, it's easier forgetting that if not for God, it wouldn't go smoothly. Once in a while, we experience these things so that at the end, all glory would be returned to the one who made it possible.
If there are no obstacles, how then would we tell a story and make it a testimony???...even in movies, things don't go as planned just to give it a sweet ending.  If we're so keen to complain about things when they don't go the way we want it, we should also try complaining about things always going the way we want it....no? Why not? Because that's the way it's meant to be? Of course not, my dear.
If we're apt to ask, "God why the headache//why is there no food today//where's the promotion for this year// why won't my boss increase my salary this month//why did I fail this subject that I've studied so hard for//why does he have a new car and I don't//why am I having pimples again, I thought we already settled that????????

Dearies, don't you think we should also complain when things are going *too well, let's try this,

"God why do you love me so much//why again am I alive today//kai, God another food//God these blessings are too much, I don't want!//God, I'm tired of all these goodies, please give them to someone else//God, why does my hubby always shower me with gifts?//God my children are too beautiful and healthy, God why?//God why have you chosen to embarrass me with your love?//God why is it that I'm yet to experience any road accident, the people that have experienced it, do they have two heads?//oh no....another job offer/promotion, God it's too much!!! That plane that crashed, why wasn't I in it, I'm tired of your endless love and protection!!!!"
Also try this style,
God, I'm alive, no pain, there's food, shelter, clothing, water....please, it's too much, I don't want again!!!// God, so you want all these kidnappers to notice me and my family, please make me poor!//God do you know I saw a blind person and I was wondering how it feels, please take my eye-sight for a year, I want to experience blindness....I could go on and on.

 We should learn to trust God with our problems....we should also be thankful for the things we fail to acknowledge and realize that we have. Can God trust you with trouble? Are you the one to waver at the slightest inch of discomfort?
(Please read Isaiah 43:1-3, Philippians 4:6)

Hope y'all are having a wonderful new year so far.....even if things may seem a bit unsettled, trust God. Don't waver, don't worry, don't compromise, don't disbelieve.....just trust GOD.

Thanks for reading....hope to see you soon, lots of love!!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!
HAPPY 2016....this year, you will recover all that which the canker worms have eaten in Jesus' name, Amen!!!!
God bless you❤