Love/Sex/Relationship

Good afternoon oby ,
 I sent you a Dm 8weeks ago, that I will send you my story when I connected to one of your write ups, that helped me a lot that day, I mean it was a great motivation to even step out of bed, I waited to get really broken, so I can connect and relate well to the way I feel, or what I have been going to through, I don't know how to start, but I will start anyways, and would try not to make it very long , but basically my point is that AM TIRED OF TRYING...

    **I had my first boyfriend when I was 17, don't know if I was too young, or if I started too early, that's why I see all the hard lucks I see, He was like 6 years older than I was, I was happy in my own way even when I knew he used to see and have other girls, and It never bothered me, untill the day he told me what has stood to be a reoccurring Trend in my life and relationships with men, he clearly told me that  HE LIKES TALL,FAIR,SLIM AND CURVY GIRLS, THAT HE PREFERRED TO DATE MODELS, and all I did to was put my self together walk back into the house after he left, and asked myself what I was still doubt there, I felt really bad, lost my self confidence for a while and put my self back together, pulled away from him, he kept coming but he didn't know he lost me, and why, because when he said those things, he felt I would be too naive to understand him clearly, or that I would wrap my self around the first love syndrome, but as God would have it, I finally had admissions into school, went to a new environment and I was fine when I was able to regain a little self esteem...came back many years after, and says things like* let's start all over, until he graduates to asking me to marry him, that I am the only girl he can't disconnect with bla bla bla even untill last year, this same dark, average, chubby girl.

**2007  I started another relationship with a guy that rapes and beats me, almost every week or at most 2weeks intervals, and I was finally able to leave after HE BEATS ME AND STRIPS ME NAKED, HOW GOD CREATED ME in **a face me I face you compound**I was living at that time, and after that day I never saw him again till date, apart from an apology Facebook inbox message which I never replied in 2013..

***I felt I gave myself enough time,stayed till the August 2008 got into another relationship, I felt I worked on my self enough, and I enjoyed it while I was being used( don't want to get the whole details) but my boyfriend started seeing another girl and kept saying they are just friends, and they just talk, and I asked what's the intresting conversation that cannot go on with us or with me your girlfriend? For the first and last time he slapped me, and then I just had a conviction in my spirit that something was not right , and when it finally bursted, All HE SAID TO ME IS THAT SHE WAS A VIRGIN, AND I WAS NOT😀 I was the one that was good for moral,financial, and all the support he ever needed, I was the one that had to go through all the shits, and then the least things as to guide me through assignments, he couldn't do and wasn't there for me, the height of it was when he started telling people that my mum begged him to marry me, and i bought him a gold neck piece to tie him down😀 How would you explain that?

****2010 I had another one, I met him so broken emotionally, not relationship sense, but with the 
things that were going on with him, he was almost dropping out of school, because of the issues he had, I stayed with him, comforted him,encouraged him, he was always traveling from Akwa Ibom to  calabar to attend lectures, and I told him to stay with me🙈( maybe I was wrong ) and then he finally got back, was healed, and got better even financially, he used to buy me gifts and was such a good boyfriend, till the devil told him he was getting too comfortable with me and he was being such and good boy, he started flirting with this girl, and it grew to a semi relationship, his friend was the one that told me about it, I asked my boyfriend and he said it was never true, he started getting distracted from school again, and started getting broke again, one day he came back all messed up, and told me he got into a fight, only for me to know later on that the reason for that fight was this same girl, another time he comes back and tells me he has lost his phone, I gave him the Samsung Cuby he got for me when the going was good😀 and guess what he did? HE GAVE IT TO THE OTHER GIRL, IT GOT WORST WHEN HE SOLD MY NECK PIECE TO GET HER A BAG, and when I found out, I knew I just had to let it go, and thats when  I started feeling like I  have a bad omen😱 this girl in question turned a pain in my flesh, tells people am after her man, and even sends people to set me up to beat me even in another man's country even years after, the guy in question goes around to tell people that I stole his 250k, Can it get any better for me?
**** I crashed down, picked the pieces of my life together again, just around the time I was about to move to a new environment , in 2011 thought I should give it another try, this time to a guy that is not from my place( state of origin ) and in just a short period of time, I was exposed threats from another girl he was seeing but an older girl, and was instigated by a bestie I felt I had at had at that time 😀, and the guy was obviously not bothered about it, KEPT GOING BACK TO HIS OLDER GIRL, AND THE THREATS NEVER STOPED, So I decided to leave

**** But then I know someone would ask, why don't you just chill and forget about men?The point is, I always prayed to God since I was just 11years old to make me marry so early not because I had a reason then( because I was very young) but when I added a few more years I had a reason, so I can raise kids, I wanted to have so many kids bacause my mum never had a lot of us, I am the first , and then it took my mum 11good years to conceive and have  my kid sister😀 So I always gave my self a reason to try again👍


 **** Early, 2012 after the girl sent people to harass me, but they later turned my friends tho😀 I got, attracted to this guy in my class that was transferred from another school, I got attracted to him because he was intelligent and encouraged me about a particular course I was not doing well at all, along the line we became study partners, and grew into lovers, I became his kid sisters worst enemy, she just started hating me, and did everything within her power to either irritate me or to get the brother to leaves me, and it finally worked, because all of a sudden, HE STARTED BEING TRIBALISTIC, SAYING HE DOES NOT KNOW IF HIS MOTHER WILL BE COMFORTABLE WITH ME BACAUSE AM NOT A YORUBA GIRL😀 / HIS THE ONLY SON😀*** I kept believing that saying* it can only get better**

**** I was down again as usual, and confided in the 2 friends that seemed close to me at that time, and then one of them was fund of putting up my pictures on her DP, and a family friend of hers kept asking to talk to me and be my friend, on my birthday 2013, we officially became friends when he got my pin and wished me happy birthday, we got taking and he wanted something serious😀( like they say) I decided to give it another try, by MAY we of that year we started a trail date, He showed me his best part till I went home on holidays by summer, and I was so excited, and just at the time I felt like I was happy, he stopped picking my calls like he used to, I knew something had changed, all of a sudden, a man that used to get excited talking to me all the time, went mute.. Even when I do the calling , he sluggishly picks up and tells me his busy and will call back later,and He never does, and went worst and NEVER PICKED UP MY CALLS AGAIN. I ran to my friend, she called him, her elder sister called him but he never gave any of them any proper response, and then after 3weeks, he sends me a long message and tells me I have *pride,ego,I don't have patience, am not his kind of girl, am rushing him, AND HE ENDS IT WITH HE WASNT READY FOR A RELATIONSHIP😀 But at that point I asked my self if I asked him out? Or I thought of the things I did that were out of the regular or ordinary, I also thought If I had asked him to marry me without my knowledge😀😀, at this point I decided that I will just sign out of the whole boyfriend, relationship thoughts, before the end of the year,he came around again, apologized and swore he didn't know what came over him, and for the first time in my entire life, I mean in all the relationships I ever had went  back to him, he promised me heaven and earth, promised to make up for all that went wrong,but did the WORST, after he lost his job, while waiting for a resumption date of the next job, he asked me to borrow him some money to travel to Abuja to hustle, I did, and even told him I got it from someone to give to him, to be on the safe side, but guess what he went to see a girl, unfortunately for me, he told the girl that his Xgf has been begging him and throwing her self back at him, and then the whole time, he steals time to talk to me, and then there is this time I called and then the girl picked up, speaking to me like she knows me** AND SHE SAYS, WHY ARE TOU THROWING YOURSELF AT A MAN THAT DOESNT WANT YOU, I HAVE SEEN YOUR PICTURES, YOUR A BEAUTIFUL GIRL, MOVE ON AND GET ANOTHER MAN, AND STOP HARASSING US, AND THE NEXT THING I HEAR AT THE BACKGROUND IS BEBE NO TALK AGAIN😀 I felt like running mad, I was in another man's country, I could not find my self in Abuja, even if I was in Nigeria, or even in Abuja, how would I get to where they were, I called him over 100times but he never responded, I was able to get calm sleep off and after 4 days HE CALLS ME AND SAYS, that was just a little misunderstanding👍 We can work it through😀

   ****2014 feb I met a well grown man, and we were just friends that used to talk about every thing,never thought of anything sexual or intimate with him, and on the 1st of March he proposed to me,(funny I know) and on phone, I met him when he was about to leave for another country, I was comfortable with talking to him about anything maybe because I felt he was so matured, and then when he proposed to me I laughed it through, on my birthday he made another one and even told my friends that knew about him, on a video call, they started making plans of engagement party I didn't know about, I only knew later because it was supposed to be a surprise, but then again, it went down the drain this time because my good friends around just felt like telling him how bad a girl I have been my entire life😀

  **** Nov 2014 I got connected back to an old friend, we got taking, we were far from each other, but the communication spirit was wonderful, I didn't like him that much at first, because he always talked about asking people about me, and no one seems to tell him anything bad, so my fear was, someday someone who just feels like saying some shit about me walks up to you and says things that itches your ear, then boom we go, I moved passed those thoughts,and got a little more flexible with him, and then the same girl he had a fling with some time ago, who knows me, according to him never said anything bad about me, all of a sudden says something bad then, and he starts acting based in that, that's misbehaving,( he gets to Nigeria and tells me I don't need to come and see him if I feel I should not have sex with him, he can't have a girlfriend he can't have sex with😀) and then the next time  *** HE SAYS HE DOES NOT KNOW THE ATTRACTION HE HAS WITH ME, HE STIRS AT ME AND NOTHING ATTRACTS HIM😀*** it can only get better.

***The whole time I have never discussed my previous relationship with a new boyfriend, I keep it and it sucks me deep, so I decided to air out this time to a random male friend, that we randomly chat, after he tried to make advances at me, and he goes all churchy, He goes like all the guys I ever had never had Christ In them, and then he preaches to me, gets really spiritual,and in my head am like, who ever will end up with this man is such a lucky girl, and then by April 2015, on a random day, he pops the please let's date shit, bla bla bla,  I tell him am not ready, and he keeps preaching to me how I should not let mp past define me, and then I give him a try,and I seriously don't know where to classify him right now. Few weeks back to Nigeria, He turns to what I can't explain really, a man that preaches sex before marriage, now wants sex, and he always wants it in his car, sometimes drives down infront of my fathers compound and tells me to have sex with him  just around ( me at 26, could this be adventure ) the first time he takes me to his house, he literally sneaks me into the house( a 33 year old man) which explains a lot, a man that swears his irritated with men that ask women for money, all of a sudden ask for money directly and indirectly, the one time I borrowed the least as 10k he bluntly refused to payback, and then when ever he is around me he switches his phone off, and carries just a small Nokia touch light phone and never picks his calls😀 am sure his showing me respect😀 And then I noticed  a similar behavior in a previous relationship, he never calls again, and then if I call him, He says I will call you back, am busy, and never calls back,  after a lot of complain or nagging as men would call it, he tries to sit up, by calling in the morning, for not more than 10seconds tho😀 and then in the night too, like am an office he signs in a time book when he resumes in he morning and signs out when his going home😀 it gets worst that am in the same town with him and I don't see him for over 2months, I call him when I got in to some trouble and wanted  someone to talk to and he was never available, and then I then I do my usual, I put my self together and move ahead😀😀  so I waste another 5 months on my life 🙌

**** Around the time I wanted someone to talk to, I started taking to another make friend I was always very skeptical about talking to him, even before I met this other guy, I tell him every thing going on with me, relationship wise and otherwise, everything that was happening to me at that time, I told him and he was a good friend who was so helpful, we started making video calls, before he goes to work, and soon as he returns, we start talking,about random things basically, our lives, his experiences, mine and the connection with this person was different from any other connection I have ever had, but then again, after a while just about the time he was about to return back home, our communication level drops** He Begins to bargain indirectly for his return and how I have to cope with him talking to a lot of people and all that, ** makes it sound like am some possessive, over inquisitive, or a bug, am far from that😀*** he gets back and then I give him some space cos I was not expecting much either, and he just kept coming and wouldn't let me be, the tempo Kees rising up and then finally  he gets back to his real self, starts getting more closer and I ask my self, was he not comfortable with every other person he was seeing or hanging out with?? We decided to give ourselves a shot, as soon as he goes back to work place, after the first week of the emotional hype, communication drops again, a little attitude here and there, all of a sudden the things we used to gist and laugh are no more, nothing really exciting again, the call level is almost becoming the sign in/sign out of office type, I can boldly say that the video call we both used to get excited about happened just once since Jan, when I ask for it, it seems like am asking for too much, he does not need to say it to me,but the act is all over him, he starts complaining of how am too suspicious, when ever something comes up am not comfortable with, and then the communication goes down and each day,  and on the 12/02/2016 we talk about it, ** HE SAYS : I AM CONSTRAINED BY THE INVISIBLE LINE OF RALATIONSHIP, AND NOT FRIENDSHIP, HE THINKS I SUSPECT THAT WHEN HE IS NOT TALKING TO ME, HE IS TALKKNG TO ANOTHER GIRL, and THE NEXT DAY HE GOES LIKE** HE HAS SPOKEN TO HIS PARENTS ABOUT OUR RELATIONSHIP, THAT HE HAS NOT HAD THIER SUPPORT YET, THATS WHY HE IS BEING CALM, you can imagine that, which simply means, I am at the mercy of the support of his parents😀  plus I get to wonder, if I had a man we talked about every thing and anything and then all of a sudden, he chooses what he says to you, or says nothing at all, apart from, how are you?how was your day? And it goes on like that in that manner, so do I have something wrong with me to think that he is obviously talking to someone,or enjoys conversations with another person( intimate or not, or what ever it is called)??
 So now I say to my self in the space of 10 years, I keep 10 relationships, and then they all go down, out of 10 of them it's just 2 of those guys that have not asked for my forgiveness and all of sorts, or tried to get back to me, or asked for another chance and all of that, is it that am POSSESSED? Or is it just BADLUCK? Or what exactly is it wrong with me?
Does it mean that I have a bad attitude they all come and see, and leave, but if so why do meat of them come back afterwards?

Is it that God in Heaven is not seeing all of these things happening to me?

I see men stand in for thier women when they are in trouble, but I have never just had that kind of luck 😀
So I have consoled my self with Fate that I AM THAT GIRL THAT SURVIVES EVERY ONE, BUT NO ONE SURVIVES ME..
 Please keep me Anonymous in what ever platform you decide to share this, but try and let me see people's comment and all, I can stand even the ones who would throw stones😀

I just want a little closure, that I have not had in all of these people I have met, with people's comment and banters I will have closure🙌


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